If you have the gift of mercy, use it on yourself!

I have the gift of mercy. The crazy thing about the gift of mercy is that with it I have the power to extend grace or judgment. Inherent in this gift is an attraction towards those who need mercy. This plays out very practically. When I walk into a room full of people, I do not see the cool people, the in crowd, the put-together. I see those on the outside, the outcasts, the ones that don’t belong. I can feel their need. It’s like I have a radar for it and it is deadly accurate. I am immediately attracted to those people that need mercy the most- the downcast, the hurting, the hopeless. And with this gift comes a tremendous responsibility- the responsibility to accept, to love, to show compassion. But what I find myself so often doing is using my gift of seeing the outcast as a way to build a hierarchy. I see myself as superior and I feel empowered by that feeling. I use needy others to build my own needy ego. I judge. I condemn. I reject. Even though my exterior is loving and affirming, on the inside I am looking with scorn. I am not loving from a whole place, I am looking for needs to meet and mercy to extend to serve my own selfish desires, my need to be important and looked upon as pious and merciful and caring in the eyes of others. In some respects, I am a Pharisee. Mercy doesn’t look so merciful when you’re looking at my heart.

So how do I deal with this unmerciful-mercy problem/gift? Here’s the deal- as with any gift, God has given it to be shared, but before it can be shared with others, it must be personally experienced. One of the great things about mercy is it is not just for others- it’s for me. Jesus said, “Love God and love others as yourself.” he doesn’t say love others more than you love yourself. He says, to the extent that you know how to love yourself- love other people. So what is he calling us to? He is calling us to self-love. It is in the expereince of self-love that we will exhibit radical love towards others. I will only love others to the extent that I love myself. So, I must take aim at loving myself well. I must take aim to bless myself. I must take aim to love my body, my past, my emotions, my failures, my limitations, my weaknesses, my strengths, my gifts, those things I am not gifted in, my regrets, all that I am, I must look to embrace myself. It is when I love myself that I will truly love others. It is when I extend mercy to myself that I will most authentically extend mercy to others.

So, if you have the gift of mercy, use it on yourself!