Picture Perfect Loneliness

I substitute taught for a disciplinary class at Artesia High School today. To give you an idea of the kind of kid’s these were, the regular “teacher” told me that every time she walks in that room “I put on my bitch face.” In other words, the only way to survive with these kids was to be as mean as hell to them, intimidate them, and show them who’s really in control. She told me to make sure they chose a prompt on the board and that everyone had to write an essay.

Obviously, I was intrigued and intimidated by what my day might look like. So the other teacher left and my job was to wait for security, who are actually cops, to drop off students as they were caught.

Because it might be a while I took out a book for a class I’m taking called, “Counseling
Troubled Families.” Within 10 minutes the first and only batch of six students walked in with a cop right behind them. I signed them in and instructed them that they had to write a mandatory essay on one of the topics the teacher left on the board. After some complaining, I thought about it for a second and said, “Ok, you have an option! You can either write an essay, or you can draw a picture of your family and show it to me one-by-one.” At once all six students (5 boys, and 1 girl) laughed and started making fun of the idea of drawing a picture of their family. “what are we in kindergarden” one of them said. “Well you can write an essay then.” I said.

After a minute of silence, I noticed that one-by-one, every student started to draw a picture, and one-by-one, they came up and showed me their family. Of all the pictures I can remember, the one that stood out to me the most was the picture the 2nd to last kid brought up. He handed me the paper, and all that was on it was a stick figure that had the word “Me” above it. Immediately, I knew this was a holy moment. I gently looked at him and asked where his parents were. After looking back at his classmates to make sure no one was listening, he said, “in prison.” “You must feel really alone,” I said. I could see his eyes watering. He felt completely alone. He had no sisters or brothers, and his parents were in prison. I asked him who he lived with. “My grandparents,” he said. “My grandma has mental breakdowns and my grandpa is never around… I don’t know where he goes.” My heart melted for this guy. He truly felt alone in the world and his only family was himself. I was pissed at his situation. Why? Why does a 16-year old have to deal with such deep loneliness. This will never go away. He will deal with that loneliness and his pursuit to fill it for the rest of his life. No wonder he was ditching class, no wonder he was getting bad grades, no wonder he was messing up. He was hurting, lost, and alone.